My real answer to the "How was study abroad?!" question

If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked "How was study abroad?" I'd probably have enough to cover the cost of the flight there. (Actually, I probably wouldn't but close maybe.) 

The answer to that question has become carefully scripted; a line I've memorized to get me through this last year of college, which I am now halfway through. *cue confused crying*

There's no way to tell someone who wants to hear, with a wistful eyeroll, "Ugh, amayyyzing," that study abroad was, in fact, life. Just in another country. 

Okay, so it's a little more complicated than that. Yes, studying abroad was fun and exciting and different and -- time for the ultimate cliche -- life-changing. But it was also difficult and alienating and stressful and often times not fun. Which is exactly as it should be. 

It left me with a weird guilt, however, posting pictures of stunning mountaintops and multicolored sunsets, suggesting to the world back home that life overseas was the constant stream of bright landscapes and friends smiling against a backdrop of gleaming rivers. 

It was the "Highlight Real" theory of Facebook in action. 

Here's a brief intro to the "Highlight Real," if you haven't had that drunken epiphany in one of those college party conversations:

If I post these two pictures to Facebook...

... you might think all toilets in New Zealand are cute and colorful, right? (Bear with me here.)

That's because I'm definitely not running around New Zealand taking pictures of everyday toilets or, worse, the yucky public ones which are barely standable for the length it takes to pee and wash your hands, let alone snap a picture. 

Nothing about these two pictures invites you to think that NZ toilets are just as average as those in the States. Much to his confusion, I had my friend Will take a picture of his today and send it to me just to prove it. Here you go, readers:

Also to clarify two points: toilets do not flush in the opposite direction in the Southern Hemisphere and do not all come with a cat, as this picture might suggest. 

If I haven't lost you with all of this toilet talk, let's move on. 

I was considering starting a photo series (or something) that would essentially act as an Anti-Highlight Real; a collection of photos that showed the mundane and the ugly, or at least unattractive, sides of studying abroad. I didn't commit to the project very hard, but these are two of the first photos I started with:

Above is my messy little room on one of the many rainy gray days in Christchurch. I'm a big believer in how physical environment impacts experience. When you're living in a negative setting, it affects the rest of you to your core; it's inescapable. Going from a small, centralized campus to one where I hardly ever found myself around other students was a big leap. On top of that, not having a meal plan or central place to do work kept me tied to home like a ball and chain, leaving me with a lot more alone time than I was used to. (But hey, that was my first time having my own bedroom which was pretty cool.) 

To clarify: this isn't a "studying abroad sucked" post. That would be a big fat lie. I'm incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to go at all (shout out to the numerous family, friends, and employers who helped get me there). I certainly haven't stopped counting my blessings. 

You probably know by now that I'm not about falsely romanticizing or sugarcoating anything. As most things do, studying abroad fell in the inbetween. It was life. It was hard. It was school, but done very, very differently. 

For one, it made me really appreciate the liberal arts environment. In many ways, studying at the University of Canterbury felt like reliving freshman year in an alternate universe; I love my little school in Pennsylvania, so no wonder I had a hard time at this gigantic university where I wasn't challenged, busy, or able to pay an individual club fee for all the organizations I wanted to join. 

         

And it certainly changes things when suddenly your grade for an entire class hinges on two huge tests. If you're considering studying abroad at a traditional university basically anywhere, get ready for that. 

In many ways, I didn't have a typical study abroad experience, especially for someone in New Zealand. 

New Zealand is home to many of the world's unofficial wonders. Most people who travel there have a very set agenda of places they want to see. Just like every other traveler who's gone to NZ, I did too. 

The minute I told anyone I would be studying abroad where I was, I was immediately bombarded with a list of things I "haaaaaad to see."

     Glow worms; 

     Milford Sound; 

     Nugget Point; 

     the glaciers; 

     Cathedral Cove; 

     The Bay of Islands, 

     Hobbiton; 

     go bungy jumping; 

     sky diving; 

     heli-hiking; 

     wine tasting; 

     the lists go on (and on and on and on and on). 

I didn't see any of those things. I didn't take a tour of Hobbiton. I didn't ride horses on a beach. And, as much as I may have wanted to, I didn't strap myself to a bridge and dive off. Instead, I spent my weekends making lollycake (a classic NZ dessert) on a farm, babysitting, and going to peewee kiwi* soccer games. 

*I don't think anyone actually calls it "peewee kiwi" soccer, but they should. 

My favorite picture from my entire semester might be this one:

Me helping six-year-old Sammy blow her nose at her Saturday-morning soccer game. 

Yup, that might be the most representative picture of my study abroad experience. 

And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I am of the firm belief that traveling is not about taking in the famous sites and monuments with your group of American friends. It's not about hopping on a bus, hopping off to take a picture, then hopping back on to the next view and the next picture. 

It's about getting down and dirty and lost in the culture. It's about risk and disorganization and sometimes food poisoning. 

Sometimes it's about trying New Zealand's hottest pizza, which you have to sign a waiver before eating agreeing that you won't sue if you die from the combination of ghost pepper sauce, habeneros, and Carolina Reapers (the world's hottest pepper). 

Sometimes it's about attending town hall meetings regarding the country's emissions trading scheme.

And doing your part to learn about the history.  

           

It's about cheering for the local teams -- even if you're still learning the rules of the game. 

It's about making mistakes. 

About disappointment. 

It's about needing some time to withdraw and relax and read a magazine over a coffee.

It's about taking some more time alone, in another coffeeshop, to drink more coffee. 

Okay, yes, if you couldn't tell, travel has a lot to do with coffee for me.

Travel is about letting handsome strangers buy you dinner. (And cut it with a leatherman.)

Travel, sometimes, is about finding a partner in crime. 

And about being at the hospital when they're in an accident.

... for four days. 

As a side note, getting injured is a really effective way to learn about another country's healthcare system. However, for those who would rather not break a limb to find out, there's also the internet.

Anyway, my point is probably clear by now: travel isn't about checking off a to-do list. My best adventures came out of not having an agenda at all. 

Of course I'm not saying don't have goals, don't research the sight worthy spots, or don't travel with others from home. I took heaps of weekend trips with fellow study abroad students. Remember these guys?

In addition to being awesome, fellow students make great travel buddies because they have just as much drive and just as little time to see as much as they can. (They also know what you're going through in a way no one else around you does.) 

The bottom line is there's no correct way to travel. If hitchhiking or playing it by ear too much makes you nervous, why put yourself through that? Stretching the limits of your comfort zone, no matter how subtly, is important and usually comes with the territory. Some of the best advice I received before leaving was "Don't go in with any expectations."

I made the mistake of thinking my time in New Zealand was going to be a breeze and a constant stream of moments like the one in the picture above. Despite being proven very wrong, and not wanting to lead others to believe it was nothing but hikes and adventures, I do have to say that, even if it wasn't one of the easiest times of my life, it was one of the most liberating. 

What are your thoughts on the social media "Highlight Real"? Do you think we should be doing something to combat it? I'd love to hear your thoughts and keep the conversation going! 

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year, everybody. I hope 2016 holds plenty of adventures for you all!